First off, there is a lot here that is really, really good, so my critique should be taken in that spirit. Your story is engaging, intriguing and interesting.
I wish you could have gotten this version to me more than two days before the final. Any changes I propose now are going to be hard for you to incorporate within the allotted time. Do as much as you can.
2. The most important single criticism is that you actually have a.) too many pictures and b.) they are not arranged in any short of thematic way. You’ve just thrown a bunch of photos up there, without regard to your copy.
3. This being said, you should cut between a third and a half of the pictures. Anything blurry, incomprehensible, ambivalent should go. Why is the police man there?
4. With any of the photos that remain, ruthlessly crop them and arrange them into something like a story. If you want to show pretty girls dressed up for halloween, put them all together. If you are explaining Jung’s archetypes, show us a couple of them, related closely to what your copy says. Also, don’t set them to show for exactly the same amount of time. Some should go by quickly, some more slowly. They should not be thought of as a “batch” but rather as discreet steps in a visual story you are telling.
5. You are supposed to have some music. You don’t have to talk continuously. Introduce an idea and let us think about it, with music coming up under your voice. Let us ‘simmer’ for a while in the music, on a couple of really powerful, meaningful images, before moving on.
For your final, you need photos (which you have), human voice (which you have) and music (which you don’t).
Also, your blog has photos and videos, but no audio. You should try to get some audio on your blog.
Altogether, I think it’s a great meditation on this topic. Pare it down, get it more ‘slim’. Let us think a bit, catch our breath. You don’t have to talk continuously; you can let us think a bit.
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Hey Lorena:
First off, there is a lot here that is really, really good, so my critique should be taken in that spirit. Your story is engaging, intriguing and interesting.
I wish you could have gotten this version to me more than two days before the final. Any changes I propose now are going to be hard for you to incorporate within the allotted time. Do as much as you can.
2. The most important single criticism is that you actually have a.) too many pictures and b.) they are not arranged in any short of thematic way. You’ve just thrown a bunch of photos up there, without regard to your copy.
3. This being said, you should cut between a third and a half of the pictures. Anything blurry, incomprehensible, ambivalent should go. Why is the police man there?
4. With any of the photos that remain, ruthlessly crop them and arrange them into something like a story. If you want to show pretty girls dressed up for halloween, put them all together. If you are explaining Jung’s archetypes, show us a couple of them, related closely to what your copy says. Also, don’t set them to show for exactly the same amount of time. Some should go by quickly, some more slowly. They should not be thought of as a “batch” but rather as discreet steps in a visual story you are telling.
5. You are supposed to have some music. You don’t have to talk continuously. Introduce an idea and let us think about it, with music coming up under your voice. Let us ‘simmer’ for a while in the music, on a couple of really powerful, meaningful images, before moving on.
For your final, you need photos (which you have), human voice (which you have) and music (which you don’t).
Also, your blog has photos and videos, but no audio. You should try to get some audio on your blog.
Altogether, I think it’s a great meditation on this topic. Pare it down, get it more ‘slim’. Let us think a bit, catch our breath. You don’t have to talk continuously; you can let us think a bit.
Really interesting and intriguing work.
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